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Friday, 3 July 2015

Breathless-ness taught me to breathe again!!!

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.
Breathlessness is a feeling

There are days when we feel that so many things are important to us. May be my home needs a revamp, or the car parked in the garage was actually not the one which had the latest brand name or may be my pay scale does not match the figures which many of my friends get at the end of the month, or the vacation which we had was just so ordinary as compared to the “Bali” trip which Rekha could afford and so many more to make life “breathless” or breathing without realizing the actual value of living life.

My "Breathless" moment taught another aspect of life.

The fever had started making turns every day. Every morning I used to get up with all my energy soaring high to run through the day but as the afternoon approached my body used to hunt for a resting place, legs felt the urge to be all numb, head sensed an usual pang of dizziness and my whole being would end up feeling that cold or vigour could not find a place but thermometer always found one with rising notes.
The doctors had to be consulted, few tests and a few bottles of medicines. Well, that really made me think I would be fine in another few days but as afternoon approached I used to dread my thermometer as the temperature always indicated signs that I wasn’t recovering.

Optimism is good but when continually the body shows indications of a declining health the whole bundle of optimistic bubbles fly away unknowingly. A few more test, every time I used to feel a sense of that sinking feeling “breathlessness” but the tests showed negative results but the" ill-health syndrome" was making the usual visits. No improvement with calendars changing dates.

Fever always showed a positive slope and then finally a name which came up in the Doctor's mind, the symptomatic signs of my ongoing illness had some resemblance with that ailment.
The day had come when I was to go through all the tests, and the result would be announced in 4 days thereafter.

Flowers breathe life

Butterfly was beautiful-My "breathless"phase taught me

Life did not mean anything to me during that phase, those 3 days I had felt a particular feeling of continuous breathlessness, sinking heartbeat knocking me down and the realization that life is more to all the outer pleasures, it’s about living, it’s about breathing, it’s about breathing a healthy life and it’s all about love, care and those small things. Those 3 days had taught me the real essence of life, life seemed so beautiful and I never wanted to leave it, the sunrise, the birds, my loved ones.

life is breathlessly beautiful

And then the day had come. We reached the diagnostic center, the reports had arrived, and the nurse asked us to wait. My Dad actually started his rigorous walks and I was there sitting, heart beats were pumping very harshly, I could feel every jerk,  hands felt as if it had just shaken hands with ice, feet felt numb and rested  motionlessly and the breath ...I was “breathless” when I saw the  little white envelope approaching my side, every breath pleaded me to breathe but I could not, hands frantically tearing the envelope, legs trembling and eyes seeking for that one word “negative”....just that one word had so much power at that time in my life. Then suddenly a gush of breath pumping from the breathless existence, tears rushing, hands rejoicing to see just that one word. I felt life gushing from me, the urge to again feel the beauty of everything and the feeling of breathlessness fading, giving way to small breathing delights, enjoying every bit of life. I thanked universe, but I knew that day what it was to be “breathless” just for those few seconds, for few moments in life, I realized life in the real sense.

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